- Mr. Lazarus Long, since you happen to be passing through the early twenty-first century, could you give us a few priceless gems of homespun wisdom for the Goodreads membership to marvel at?

- Gosh darn it, when I see all the cute females on this site, how can I say no? Could you just pass me the... cuneiform tablets? Papyrus rolls? Parchment? Oh yes, laptop. Sorry, hard to keep things straight. So...

1. If you're a tired SF hack who's completely run out of ideas, don't worry. Just recycle the old ones, and pretend nothing's wrong.

2. You may imagine that the books will come out painfully thin. Far from it. They'll be thicker than ever.

3. Next time someone calls you a motherfucker, simply take them at their word. Of course, a time machine is useful here.

4. Don't make these lists too long. By the time you've got half a dozen items, everyone will already be yawning.

5. Er...

6. That's it.

- Done! Now, surely there's some gorgeous woman here who's dying to have sex with me?