I preferred The Famous Five by Enid Blyton because I was a big, fat nerd. I do remember the books being repetitive and the girls, although having unique character traits, being rather unspectacular. Someone had diabetes, someone was a tomboy and there was the blonde californian girl who I either wanted to be, or had a crush on.

I think even back then, girly stuff made me a bit nauseous. I was never one of those girls that was like, "Oh my god, Howard is so sexy, look at him play football." (and I notice one of the books is titled, "Logan LIkes Maryanne!" I almost expect a !!!!!!!11111 after it.) Besides, I was the creep that had a crush on Marilyn Manson. And David Bowie when he was in The Labyrinth.

The cupcake-sweet sleepovers, and the goody-two-shoes behaviour always made me feel a bit violent. I know, I was a nerd. But a closeted psychopath, which was unleashed in my teen years. I remember the only book that I truly loved was where they got stuck on an island or something? I remember thinking SHIT IS GONNA GET FUCKED UP, THESE HOS GONNA BE AILING. Or something, maybe I wasn't a closeted gangsta, maybe I was. All I know is I wanted those bitches to suffer and have to eat sand. And live on sea water. And maybe make out with each other.

The Babysitters Club books made me realise I wasn't normal. Which is okay, it had to happen sometime. This, in combination with my parents not allowing me to shave my legs, use deodorant, date boys, have sleepovers, celebrate christmas or birthdays and so on - made me that girl you loved to hate at school. The one that skulked in the toilets, hid in the library, had weird pre-teen boobs, a home-cut fringe, gappy teeth. Oh god, Ann M Martin, look what you've done. I'm having to live out my childhood.

And those who follow my reviews are probably starting to put together a pretty good visual of my pre-teen years. Hooray for you. I bet your mum let you wear a bra when you sprouted nubbins.